In Search of Meaning.

When I was young I faced adversity. I know that others have faced much worse trials that I can't even begin to imagine. But the greater hardships of others do not change the reality of what I went through. I'm not trying to boast that I had it hard. It's not a "who had the toughest life" competition. What I am saying is that through it all I got the impression that something was working against me.

Now the feeling that I have always had is a feeling that I was supposed to do something with my life. I felt that my life had a meaning to it. I just didn't know what it was. To this day I still don't. Yet I can't shake that feeling. I don't know where it comes from. I wonder if it comes from the oppression I mentioned above. If there was indeed something working against me, if it was trying to stop me. Well it would seem that would indicate that I was supposed to do something.

Now perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps this feeling is just selfish pride. Perhaps everyone feels the way I do. But I don't want to believe that. I can't. Because it would mean that all that I went through was for nothing. That this life is for nothing. Now even if that's true I don't want to believe that.