In defense of the shy.

There was a new hire at my place of work. He seems very quiet. I guess I seemed that way to when I first started working there. One person commented on that fact. They said that the new guy was almost more quiet than I was.

What's wrong with that?!

I have a two friends. One is dating a girl who hasn't said to much to us. The other mentioned that point when we were discussing our first impressions of her. I asked him if he had a problem with shy people. He kinda sputtered and didn't have anything else to back up what he said. Some months have gone by and whenever we talk about this girl my friend keeps bringing up the fact that she seems shy. Like there is something wrong with her. Like "Whoa, she's shy. That's a problem."

Over the span of my life I have found that most people are apprehensive about shy persons. Like they are broken, or they're a wild animal that is going to snap at any moment. They seem to act as though there is something wrong with the shy. Almost like their not human.

Different people have different ideas about how to deal with shy people. Some think they need to bombard the person with social situations to "bring them out of it." Like it's a sickness to be cured. Others try to avoid the shy person and take steps to further isolate the individual. Both of these actions are inappropriate, cruel, and offensive.

Shy people don't need you to fix them. Maybe they'll ask for help but if their anything like me, unless they ask, they don't want help. I've made my shy bed, and I've learned to sleep in it. That's not saying I'm happy about it. But we all have to learn to walk our own lives. Changing a major personality behavior is not as simple as changing a light bulb. Most shy people are dealing with their shyness the best way that they can as they can. When the time comes to get help, should the need it, they'll ask.

Avoiding the person is just as bad. You'll just make them feel more awkward and self conscious. Just treat the person like normal. Unless your dealing with a basket case you can talk to them and they'll respond. Probably with only the bare minimum required to make sense, but they'll respond. And FYI, basket cases are not going to be out walking around so you likely wont encounter them.

Shyness is not a crime, it's not a sin, it's not a sickness. For many it's a state of being. For me it's as second nature as breathing. Would I wish it different. I would. But to change it would take a time machine. And life is like an intricate tapestry. Pull one thread and the entire thing is changed, ruined even. If being freed from my shyness meant losing a valued personal trait. I'd stay me, I'd stay shy.