Please die ana.

There is a song by silverchair called Ana's Song (Open Fire). It's about the lead singer, Daniel Johns' struggle with anorexia nervosa. I remember watching the music video years ago. Something in it has been preying on my mind and I thought I'd share.

You can watch it here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdF98W-ON3Q

At about the 1:53 mark the person pushing Daniel in the wheelchair stops and walks away. We see that it's Daniel leaving himself in the wheelchair to go join the band. I love the subtle look the two exchange. I think the imagery is very apt. It's hard for me to pin down exactly what I want to highlight with this video, but here it goes.

I look at the whole pushing your self in the wheelchair like this. The person in the chair represents all the weaknesses and fears. It's the sick part in me that keeps me from climbing those stairs I talked about in my other post. The person pushing the chair is all the strong parts. The hope, the love, the power, that I possess. That person is unable to climb said stairs because their pushing the weak and fearful around in the wheelchair. To separate means leaving one behind. No matter how feeble and miserable that guy in the wheelchair is it's still me. Losing him would be like losing an arm. Yet I want nothing more than to be rid of him. To feel the sun like other people, not just the cold. To live instead of dying everyday. Deep down the guy in the wheelchair wants that to. He wants to be free of his awful existence. He longs to be the person capable of pushing wheelchairs. Yet he hates them at the same time. When Daniel leaves himself in the wheelchair and he looks back as if to say "Where I go now you cannot, or will not follow." And Daniel in the chair seems looks back at him with unspeakable longing. Well at least that's what I see.

But I think some of the lyrics in the song are very telling also. He sings about how terrible the sickness is yet still sings "But I need you now somehow." I know I feel that way about my depression. I want to be rid of it yet... I still need it. It's all I've ever known. I fear that it's all I will ever know.

Yet Hope, like some terrible itch I just can't scratch, rears it's ugly head. It keeps me going, keeps me believing. If it manages to deliver on it's promise then I will sing it's praises until the day is worn out. But as of right now I'm still waiting, still hoping.

Five Songs from my iPod IV (The Quadrilogy)

#1- "Your Call." by Secondhand Serenade.
Gooey emotional stuff. I hear it, but I don't feel it.

#2- "Coming Too Close." by No Use For A Name.
Teen angst. A band for when the world vexes you.

#3- "The Angel Opens Her Eyes." by Live.
Not really sure what this song is about. Something about a storm, and the birth of a child. Some mother dies, and another arises? But it's a cool sounding song.

#4- "For The Movies." by Buckcherry.
"One more chance to make it for the movies." One last chance to make some part of this life worthwhile, just like they do it in the movies.

#5- "Walking the Streets of DC." by Good Charlotte.
Eh.

Five Songs from my iPod: The Trilogy

#1- "Sugar, We're Goin' Down." by Fall Out Boy.
Man this song got old quick. This band got older even quicker. Can't stand them now for the most part. This song was cool the first time I herd it. And by the way I was the first person to hear it thus making me cool. But by the time other people herd it I had moved on to other cool things thus making me even cooler.

#2- "God War Montage (live)." by Videogames Live.
It's God of War. Need I say more.

#3- "Hero." by Enrique Iglessias.
Would that I could be your hero. This song to me seems to be about someone who wants to be someones hero. But either that someone wont let them or the guy just doesn't have it in him to be a hero, as much as he may like to.

#4- "Leave Life Bleeding." by Fuel.
Just the imagery of some guy singing this with blood all over his hands is cool to me. Well at least that's what I see.

#5- "The World Is Not Enough." by Garbage.
The good:
It's a Bond song. It's a Garbage song.
The bad:
The movie sucked.
The ugly:
Put the good and the bad together.

Five Songs from my iPod: part Deux

#1- "Walls." by Emery.
Mournful harmony, is there anything better.

#2- "Harmageddon." by Apocalyptica.
This band does string versions of Metallica songs. This song is also used in a awesome amature zombie movie. (Which oddly enough also manages to feature "Popular" from the hit Broadway musical "Wicked.")

#3- "School of Hard Knocks." by P.O.D.
I own this song cuz I'm from the school of hard knocks baby. Who's ready to rock?

#4- "Placebo." by Placebo.
When he sings the line "Cuz I can see in the dark." And then the line "I'm coming up on infrared." This song reminds me of the scene in Silence of the Lambs when Buffalo Bill has the lights out. He's got the night vision goggles on and he's just toying with Clarice. It's like the song was written for the movie. (only the mood of the song doesn't match the movie, oh well.)

#5- "Pain." by Jimmy Eat World.
First herd this song on the show Smallville. Lionel Luthor and Clark Kent had switched bodies. Can't really figure out what the song had to do with what was going on in the show. But it's still a good song.

Five Songs from my iPod

So once a week (or whenever I feel like doing it). I plan to take my ipod, put it on shuffle and take the first five songs and then list and talk about them. They'll be whatever my ipod spits out, even if their embarrassing.
So here we go.

#1- "Take my breath away." by Ab Orchestra.
Man, I wish this hadn't been the first one. What are the chances that the first of all first songs was gonna be embarrassing. Oh well, at least you know I'm honest. This song is the instrumental version of the song "Take my breath away."
I got it on a whim, and I don't listen to it much.

#2- "Singing in my sleep." by Semisonic.
This song was on one of the first Cd's I ever purchased. I bought it for "Closing time" but liked the whole album. That doesn't happen very much anymore.

#3- "Still Fighting it." by Ben Folds.
Got this song for the "Everybody knows it hurts to go home." line. That line was part of the inspiration for my "You can never go home again." blog subject.

#4- "Got you (where I want you)." by The Flys.
You know they even sound like Flys, but in a good way. Love this song because it caputres the essence of every time I've try and to talk to good looking girls. Every thing I say bombs and I'm all like "I'm dying here." help me out.

#5- "Kuja's theme." by Nobuo Uematsu
It's from Final Fantasy IX. Not the best game in the world but some of the music was alright. This track was one of the good melody's. And it's by Uematsu, the guy who wrote the sound track to FF7, and every single song in that game was gold.

Well thats all for now.