Friday, October 24, 2008

One thing not to say to a depressed person.

A depressed person will often say that they don't have anything worth living for. Now maybe they do but they can't see it. I'd like to emphasis the "they can't" part. You may be able to see something but they can't. Even if you point it out. It will either be something that you may think is worth living for but isn't for them; or it will be something that doesn't mean enough to them. The prospect of living with the sadness outweighs the worthwile'ness of your observation.

Another aspect of it is that the person really doesn't have anything worth living for. You may not be able to see this one, but that doesn't mean its not there. For you life may be full of life worthy activities that doesn't it mean it's the same for everyone. Offering them hope won't suffice. A person in this state has used up their entire reserve of hope and it's gotten them nothing. More won't fix anything. Hope is akin to wishing. You can hope for whatever you want, it doesn't mean it will happen.

So what can a person do to help? To really help. Well I don't know. If I ever get helped I'll let you know. So far, nothing. Most people feign concern. They ask how they can help. The person in need has no idea. If they knew how to fix themselves they would. If they knew what help to ask for they would. So they tell people that they don't know what they can do to help. Those people may say something like "Well if you don't know how am I supposed to?" Others may just let it drop. They don't want to hear more. Its a messy emotional situation. They don't want to get involved. In all likelihood help could be given, but that requires effort and work. People are lazy. They find excuses to avoid giving aid.

When individuals say things like you need to find things to look forward to. It's just another way to shirk getting involved. It amounts to little more than trendy psycho babble. It does more good for the asker than it does the pained listener. It sets the asker at ease. Leaves them guilt free and secure in the (false) knowledge that they did their best to help a fellow human in suffering. While the sufferer feels all the worse. Feeling alone, and feeling like no one can help them.

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